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A Cosleeper’s Guide To Sex When Your Bed Is A No-Go

Once you’ve committed to cosleeping, there’s no going back. And while parents who willingly choose to snuggle with their kids regularly have (probably) accepted the lifestyle that comes with it, there is always that sobering realization: How the hell are we going to have sex with the kids in our bed?

Sure, those beds have all the space, but none of the action. Meaning cosleeping parents have to get creative when it comes to keeping the spark alive.

The good news is, it’s doable, pun completely intended, and you don’t have to get a babysitter when the mood strikes. Here are 10 places in your house to have sex while your kids “starfish” in the middle of your bed.


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There are many reasons why the shower is a great spot to get the job done. Good water pressure has its perks — it sets the mood, and more importantly, it’s a great sound buffer! No need to watch your every move while getting steamy. If your kids are silent ninjas that appear at the door without a sound, the bathroom also provides a great excuse. You’re just getting clean and saving water by doing it together, right?

While this one surely has a lot of pros, there is one con: It brings the sensitivity and stimulation down. You can depend on the shower to do the job, but if you’re looking for top-tier sex, I’d consider another spot.

The Couch

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Is there anything more exhilarating than doing it out in the open? The one big caveat: Make sure to give this one a go later in the evening when the kids are in a deep sleep to avoid any unwanted surprises.

The best thing about the couch is that you can do positions that aren’t as accessible when on a bed. The couch lets you comfortably hold positions for deeper penetration; built-in support isn’t just great for bras.

Guest Bedroom

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If you’re not feeling up to the workout that, let’s face it, a lot of the places in your house call for, keep it simple and let loose in a guest room, now known as your sex room.


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Sometimes you’re just too tired to even crawl out of the room quietly after you put your kids to bed. You’ve had a long day at work, or maybe you were greeted when arriving home with the sounds of a toddler meltdown and takeout is on the menu. Parenthood, in a lot of ways, morphs you into a morning person, so setting an alarm for morning sex might not actually be a bad idea.

Take it to the sunroom, or any old spare room in the house. Bonus: You can enjoy a hot cup of coffee in silence when you’re done. Coffee + silence = excellent. Morning sex is just the cherry on top.

Your Garage

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Okay, I know what you’re thinking — why would I pick the garage of all places? While I’m sure getting railed against your husband’s tool workbench will fulfill your Magic Mike dreams, the car is also a great go-to.

Bring back the nostalgia from your younger years by cozying up in the car, this time in the privacy of your own home and not in the parking lot of your high school football field.

The Laundry Room

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A laundry room is a great pick (if you have one, of course). It’s rated the second most popular spot to have sex in the house, according to Cosmopolitan UK, who report that 92% of couples have sex in the laundry room and 89% report that they do it on top of the watching machine.

If you’re anything like me, watching your partner load the washer beforehand is great foreplay.

The Closet

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If characters in our favorite rom-coms can make it work in a janitor’s room, we can surely achieve a little romance in the comfort of our walk-in closets (or really any old closet). Throw down a fuzzy rug and have floor sex in front of your full-length mirror.

Home Office

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The home office is an easy sell — who doesn’t like to role play? Make your date night fun by pretending to be a bossy CEO or seductive assistant. Neckties make great bondage, and sprawling on the desk will give you memories to keep you smiling the next time you have to get some work done.

The Backyard

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The backyard is such a great option when you’re in need of a date night or staycation from the kids. Instead of spending money on a hotel and shipping your kids to grandma’s once a month, get creative and set up a cozy tent to set the mood. Bring out snacks, order in, light a fire, and put on a playlist — it’s time to fully unplug and unwind.

Even if we co-sleepers have to go through hoops to indulge in some TLC with our spouses, waking up to hugs and kisses from little faces makes it all worth it. Okay, maybe wake-ups are more like feet in our ribs and abrupt somersaults on the bed. But you know, still sweet.

Krystal is a part-time writer for Scary Mommy and has a pulse on all things entertainment, pregnancy, and parenting news and lifestyle. She is a freelance writer for various parenting and lifestyle brands and is the founder of her own parenting blog, The Unconventional Mom. Krystal has a bachelor’s degree in journalism from UMass Lowell and has been a closet novelist since 2013.

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