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A Hook For My Damn Keys

A Hook For My Damn Keys


I’m sure that you could probably name, right this minute, tens of thousands of dollars of adjustments to your home that you would happily make if millions of dollars fell out of the sky and landed at your feet. (If that does happen, don’t call a contractor — call the FBI. But you take my point.) New kitchen cabinets, professionally organized closets, the most elaborate basement renovation in history, a pool that magically maintains itself, aggressively whimsical wallpaper because it you get tired of it, you can just redo it!

And, of course, let’s not forget the home library with the rolling ladder.

But I’m not here to fantasize about all the places I’d like to throw money at problems in my living space. Instead, I’d like to talk about the extremely cheap trick that makes my life better every single day. And that’s putting a hook somewhere in your house for your keys.

I am somebody who is very bad about putting things down, forgetting where I put them, and then inevitably frantically looking for them later while growing increasing irritated with myself and everything else. (Just this morning, I was woken from a dead sleep to find my kid’s field day shirt. I’d moved it into the basket of clean laundry, which seemed like a good idea at the time. It always does.)

But there’s one thing that once frequenTly derailed my morning, but no more. And that is my keys. Because when I moved into my home home, I put a medium Command hook on the inside of the closet next to the door. Multiple times a day, my life is made easier by this stupid little hook.

The keys go on the hook. They go on the hook every time.

Also: the keys are the only thing that goes on the hook. You don’t decide hey, I’m going to stick this hat on this hook, too. No! Then you’re unhooking the hat before you get to your keys. Picture yourself herding the kids out the door for a doctor’s appointment you’ve already rescheduled twice. They’ve got their shoes on, and the process nearly sent you screaming into the street. You’ve still got to get them buckled in. Imagine, now, that hat falling off that hook while you fiddle with your keys, smacking you in the face. You’re gonna hit the roof!!!! The hook is just for keys.

It’s not for spare keys, either! It’s not for any keys that don’t live on your everyday keyring. It’s not for your separate work keys, your golf cart, your dirt bike, your pontoon boat, your vintage Triumph Bonneville motorcycle, whatever. Put those on a different hook. Get a pegboard, and stick it in your kitchen, and put all the keys there. Put a whole series of hooks on the inside of a cabinet door. Get a cute little hook from Target to hang right next to your door. Get something ugly and utilitarian.

The specifics are flexible. The important thing is there’s a hook where you can easily get to it, and you won’t put your keys down on your way to the hook. And then just put your keys on it.

Listen, when you’re a parent, you’ve got enough stuff to remember. Every morning is a shitshow of making sure everybody’s got all their assorted crap for the day, and you never seem to start the process of putting on shoes early enough. Do yourself a favor and make sure this one thing never derails you again: Put your keys on a hook.



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