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Golden Retriever Boyfriends Are Trending, But We Need More Classifications


Golden retriever boyfriends are trending right now, largely thanks to how often Travis Kelce has been called one since he started dating Taylor Swift. When you look up the top traits of a golden retriever, the answers are “outgoing, trustworthy, and eager to please.” People describe them as the perfect “family dog” — gentle and good with small children yet still fun and energetic. And, really, who doesn’t want a lovable, enthusiastic mate (or family pet)? No wonder they’ve become the, ahem, golden standard of life partners.

But let’s face it: Not every partner is a golden retriever. As author and counselor KC Davis (@domesticblisters) points out, there are still lots of dog-partner-correlations to be made. “Why are golden retriever boyfriends the only boyfriends named after dogs?” she asks, adding, “The classifying system is there. We’ve stopped too soon.”

She’s not wrong. In fact, Rohita Kadambi for the New Yorker recently debunked some of the most famous golden retriever celebrities by reclassifying them. Kelce and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, for that matter? Not actually golden retrievers. Mastiffs!

And judging by the responses to Davis’ video, a lot of people have realized their partners probably fall under a different breed classification. The resulting commentary? Hilarious and oh-so-eye-opening.

“I cannot wait to tell my husband he’s a rescue with special needs,” commented @bibaibirdie.

“My fiance is a greyhound — tall, British, and nervous,” said @amoebaforce.

“I’ve got a rottweiler husband. Only likes his family. Stocky. Kinda intimidating but likes to snuggle,” declared @graciesmith2922.

Wrote @kittyrex0, “My husband is a border collie. Beautiful, perfectionist, hard-working, crazier than he looks, needs a project at all times or he gets cranky.”

“My fiance is a pit bull dog. Looks scary but is actually a velcro dog with separation anxiety who loves snacks,” said @might_be_marie (relatably).

“I have a husky,” commented @lilspacebb. “Always hot, tons of energy, barely listens but really smart and determined.”

What dog breed is your partner?

Since U.S. News recently released its report on the Top 10 Dog Breeds in America, let’s use that list to explore some other classifications.

Chihuahua

Chihuahuas are described as “intelligent and sassy.” They’re seen as having a Napoleon complex with a need to make up for their size by being very yappy and a little snappy… but is anyone really afraid of chihuahuas? Regardless, these doggos love their people (and sometimes no one else).

French Bulldog

Snorts and snuffles aren’t a Frenchie’s only qualities; they’re also friendly, companionable, playful, alert, adaptable, and a little goofy. They’ll keep you amused!

Golden Retriever

As mentioned, goldens are known for being sweetly loyal and eager to please. If you have a partner who’ll do anything to make you happy (but would probably do the same thing for literally anyone), you might have a golden.

German Shepherd

GSDs are “reserved but friendly,” loyal, and intelligent. They also tend to be protective, distrustful of new people, and may be intimidating to people who don’t know them.

Shih Tzu

These small dogs are affectionate, happy, and outgoing pups. Oh, and stubborn! They also tend to follow their people from room to room — they just want to be wherever you are.

Golden Doodle

Doodles aren’t usually far off from their golden retriever parent when it comes to friendliness and loyalty. However, they need more upkeep and are prone to some of their poodle parents’ neuroses. You probably know a doodle on mood stabilizers.

Yorkshire Terrier

“Yorkies” can be friendly, but these high-energy pups can be territorial over both people and things, too. They’ve even been described as domineering and self-important. Sound familiar?

American Pit Bull Terrier

If “don’t judge a book by its cover” was a dog, it would be the APBT. While they may look rugged on the outside, they’re often giant softies who love to snuggle. In fact, the breed was used historically as “nanny dogs” because of their gentleness around kids. (The American Temperament Test Society has ranked them the 4th most gentle breed.)

Pitbull

Whereas APBT is an official breed, the term “pit bull” refers to a group of breeds with similar characteristics: the APBT, the American Staffordshire Terrier, the Staffordshire Bull Terrier, and the American Bully. Basically, if your partner is fiercely loyal and happy-go-lucky but looks a little rough-and-tumble, you might have a “pibble” on your hands.

Labrador Retriever

Labs aren’t too far off from their golden retriever cousins — they’re happy, loyal, and intelligent. These gentle doggos have easygoing personalities and tend to bond with everyone. However, they’re also very athletic and require lots of physical activity so they don’t get restless.

So, what’s the verdict: Is your partner a golden retriever… or do they fall into a different classification?





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