How long sex really lasts revealed – and it’s not what you think

Sex & Relationships

By Claudia Poposki, News.com.au

When it comes to sex, everyone has an expectation about how it should go and what it should like.

Now, a report from men’s health service Pilot reveals just exactly how these ideas – which typically stem from pornography – can impact sexual performance and mental health.

One of the biggest revelations in the report was how long sex actually lasts, compared to how long people think it should.

Men typically last five and a half minutes during sex, according to the survey results, people think they should last twice as long.

The report suggests that attitude could be attributed to the viewing of pornography, with 33 percent of men consuming pornographic content at least once a week, if not more.

This gap between expectations and reality can therefore contribute to men feeling inadequate in bed, the report found.

“Porn, particularly in the absence of sufficient sex education, perpetuates unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of sex and intimate relationships,” Dr. Ben Condon told news.com.au. “This unnecessarily increases the incidence of shame and anxiety in one’s ‘performance’ while also encouraging unhealthy, and at times disrespectful, relationships.”

One staggering statistic in the report is that 59 percent of men believe porn either positively impacts, or has no impact, on their sexual performance, but 33 percent of women have a different opinion on how porn impacts their partner’s performance.

Men believe if they mimic the acts seen in pornography they will please the person they are with, according to the report.

Dr. Condon said typically porn and self-pleasure were linked, so it was understandable men had positive associations with it.

However, porn can create unrealistic views on expectations of men and women, normalize aggressive behavior towards women, and decrease arousal, and some studies suggest it has links to erectile dysfunction.

Dr. Condon said: “Fundamentally, porn is not representative of healthy sexual relationships. It perpetuates unrealistic expectations on performance, body image and normalizes aggression, extreme behaviors and in some cases violence while also minimizing the need for consent. “Over time, this ultimately impacts our perception of healthy sexual relationships, what’s ‘normal’ and can lead to decreased arousal, performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction.”

Dr. Condon said limiting porn consumption would be good academically but in reality it is incredibly difficult due to how available it was.

“A better approach is to encourage and facilitate more conversations about sex, sexual health and respectful relationships, that place porn in context, removing unnecessary expectations and stigma. Creating a space for these conversations, and to seek medical advice and support, is central to Pilot’s approach,” he said.

He said the report was created because of the belief men weren’t opening up about their intimate health and relationships.

“It’s clear from the findings that there are still many taboos to break through when it comes to men’s intimate health and relationships, and that’s exactly what Pilot is working to do,” he said.