I Left My Baby Alone With My Husband, Here’s What Happened
I remember when I left my baby alone with my husband for the first time, everything was fine! Well, that is the Coles notes version of what happened, but life is never that easy, and that is barely enough to make any new mom comfortable leaving her baby. However, leaving baby with dad is not only important for dad, but it is also important for mom. Mom needs to go out and do things on her own, so it is important to battle this fear, and you can.
When I had my first, I was a pretty typical “first-time mom.” I was overprotective, and nervous when anyone was holding my baby other than me. This included my husband. While I love him and trust him, I was nervous and scared. Maybe he didn’t hold her as I did, or maybe he wouldn’t know what to do if she cried. I was an exclusively breastfeeding mother, and I was the go-to whenever she started crying.
It was easy to just give her to me when she was crying. I could either feed her, or provide comfort, and right from the beginning, I had a strong maternal bond with my baby. While that is a good thing, I now realize that it can hinder the relationships other people had with my baby.
However, I was surprised at how quickly I got burnt out. Postpartum is intense, and no one really warned me how much it would hit me. I also got diagnosed with postpartum anxiety, and this made my fears worse. I will never forget the first time I left my baby with dad, and it wasn’t exactly normal.
I decided I wanted to get my nails done. It was something simple I could do that would remind me of who I was besides being a mother. My daughter was two months old, and she loved to have stroller naps. I thought it would be a good plan to go get my nails done, and my husband (who loved to walk) could take her for a walk, and she would likely sleep the entire time. I was afraid of him having to be with her crying, and not having me there to feed/comfort her.
Well, I went to get my nails done, and the sky went dark. I mean pitch black, and one of the worst thunderstorms I remember ever seeing started. I was flabbergasted. Really? This crazy storm had to happen now? I was worried and scared. They had been on the walk long enough that they wouldn’t have run back to the car, so were they just getting drenched?
After my nails were done, I waited for them, and I eventually saw them strolling up. He had found a bus shelter and waited out the storm in there. I was so scared, but they were fine. He knew what to do, and he found shelter. While this didn’t completely take away all my fears, it was definitely the road to them getting better and manageable.
While it didn’t happen overnight, I eventually became completely fine leaving the baby with dad. I reminded myself that he needed this time as well. He needed to bond with our child, and figure out who he was as a parent. I also realize that I am a bit of a control freak, and I spent a lot of time thinking that he would do something wrong. The truth is, he didn’t do anything wrong. He doesn’t do things how I do them, but that doesn’t mean they are wrong, and I had to convince myself of that. As soon as I did, leaving the baby with him got easier.
He did a bunch of things “wrong,” like putting on a diaper backwards, or not washing all the shampoo out at bath time, but were these things really a big deal? The truth is they were at the beginning, but as time went on, I realized that they really weren’t that serious, and she would live with some debris in her hair, and a backwards diaper for a little. Now we have three children, and I beg him to take them all so that I can go somewhere alone. I practically throw them at him and leave. I don’t give any instructions or warnings, I just know that whatever happens, he can figure it out. He could all along, I just was not willing to let him try, and I can’t blame him for that.